January 27, 2006


As we approach the end of January I feel that I have to illustrate just how weak-willed I am. I need to confess that I cannot keep New Year Resolutions (NYR).

I think I first made a NYR when I was about 14 years old. I did so because I wanted to appear to be very grown up. It could not have been very life shatteringly important as I cannot remember what it was and I am sure it has no relevance to my life today. Five to ten years later, and not only at the New Year, how many of us fell into the same trap of resolving never to drink again! Oh Yes! – We all at one time or another have “called God on the big white telephone”. Our voices echoing back from the pan as we watch the words “Armitage Shanks” revolve before our eyes, intoning the words “Oh God, I want to die”. Of course we didn’t really want to, but how soon we forgot the humiliating effect of the consequences of our actions. Hopefully we soon reached an age of reasoning and this phase passed, well, for most of us anyway.

In our thirties we probably listed an NYR to eat less and to lose weight. This is the one we break every year, probably prior to 10 January. Weight Watchers have made their success out of breakers of resolutions to the extent that they have financed the high life style of the Duchess of York for the last few years. This obsession with weight and fitness has even made some people resolve to run the London marathon. Fortunately I have resisted the temptation so far.

From about the age of 45, we begin to get the names of our children mixed up and resolve to kick the habit every 31 December. This NYR never works as it gets more complicated with the accumulation of years. We acquire grandchildren and this only serves to make the “name game” harder to get right.

It is possible that with advancing years, we have all made the NYR to drive more slowly and carefully. This should not be a resolution, but good common sense – a commodity that is fairly rare in the modern world.

It is no wonder that the powers that are have decreed that 23 January is the most miserable day of the year, it is probably the day that everyone realises that they have broken all their NYRs.

Looking back on my life from the venerated seventies, I now resolve never to make another NYR. What is the point? We know we are going to break them, so we can save a great deal of time by not even allowing the situation to arise. There you are; I have made the resolution to kill all resolutions but I know that this one will never be broken and, not only that, but it will encourage me to live as long as possible just in order to prove it!

Posted by jeff at 01:44 AM | Comments (0)