March 16, 2008

Learning To SKI

(Or How To Spend Your Kid's Inheritance)

There is no doubt that we are now all considering ways to enjoy our retirement and to spend whatever we have accumulated over the years. As much as we love our kids, we would all prefer to get the most out of our money before it is too late. Rightly or wrongly, I have decided to be different to most people. Well - I am sure that that is no more than any of my readers expect of me. I have decided to get new glasses and to have the dental treatment that I have been avoiding for so long. This is so that I do not comply with Shakespeare's Seven Ages of Man. I do not want to finish up "Sans Eyes - Sans Teeth"

My optometrist is Nina's brother and he can be brutal in the way he looks into my eyes and says "By golly - your eyes are bad". Where is his professionalism? I think I have mentioned this before, but I would really like to know when an optician became an optometrist. I think I came to the conclusion then that it must have been the same time that chiropodists morphed into podiatrists. The outcome of this is that I am being advised that I must be fashionable and have new frames as well as new lenses. I have been served well for about eight years by the current frames but I have to accept that they have now passed their "sell by" date. How can a pair of spectacle frames cost as much as a bespoke suit? Or even a moderate second hand car. But - so be it, I have to be in the fashion.

As for the dentist, I have been very remiss over the last couple of years but Nina tells me that her dentist is a very nice man; in fact he is a very, very nice man. This makes me wonder if he was trained by the AA! I have to admit that he is most pleasant, even if he is a Chelsea supporter. After brutalising my gums he informs me that I must see the periodontist. Here we go again, surely a rose by any other name? This operative is a very pretty young lady who at first sight I feel certain cannot be a sadist. After a session lasting nearly 90 minutes I am convinced that she has been badly treated by a man and she is getting her revenge on me! I could easily have spent the time watching a Tottenham Hotspur football match and suffered only half as much pain! I think I have the solution to extract (pardon the pun) my revenge. I will eat garlic sausage and pickled onions one hour before my next visit!

When I add the total cost of making me far more attractive in my dotage than I could ever have expected, I realise that it amounts to as much as a Round the World cruise for two weeks. Surely that is a much more enjoyable way to SKI? Well - I told you I was a masochist!

Hey! I've just noticed - two Shakespeare quotations in one item. I must be improving in intellect!

Posted by jeff at 01:51 AM | Comments (2)

March 13, 2008

Happy Birthday Laura

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Oh well - every year, two weeks after Neil's comes Laura's! Happy Birthday darling, Mum and I are so proud of all you have achieved and know that you are always there when we need you. Have a great day

Posted by jeff at 09:17 AM | Comments (0)